I think I am morally bankrupt
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
