do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
