Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize