She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize