Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
