he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
