She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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