I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize