I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
