I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
