blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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