Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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