you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize