i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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