i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
