I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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