Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
