It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
