Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
