i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
