i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
