My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
