i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
