and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
