I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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