I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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