these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
