Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
