I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
