What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
