Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize