I wanna bring you to show and tell
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
