After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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