Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
