There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
