I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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