goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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