THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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