9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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