I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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