I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Randomize
