that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
