she was so not down for the gang bang
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
