Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
We left the knife in your bed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
