dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
