I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
