I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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