Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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