Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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