bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
