Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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