I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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