that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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