You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
