Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
