There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
