I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
True strength comes from lack of pants
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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