this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
