yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
