my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
