My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
