This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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