You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
