You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
