She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
