Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
