I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My Higher Power is John Stamos
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just forgot I was standing up.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
