Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
