Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
