I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
