the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
last night I used snow as a chaser
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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