All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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