after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize