he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize