Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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