is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
