mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
