also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
