I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
