she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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