I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
