how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
