fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
