Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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