his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
