He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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