dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Drake has all the answers
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
