**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What drink are we having for lunch?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize