true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
