we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
