Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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