she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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