According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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