they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
