Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
