You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
