I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
