david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
