Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize