I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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