The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
