I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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