I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize